Reflection

I know this is a little weird, but I couldn't help but write about what I have learned and felt while reading the last chapters of this book. I never in my life have read a book that made me feel so connected to the emotions and thoughts that ran through its main character. In the beginning, I couldn't understand why someone who had so much ahead of him, would give up everything for the sake of living in the wild, which eventually led to his death. I considered him a fool, stupid, immature, brainless, selfish,  rash, thoughtless, imprudent, irresponsible, reckless, absurd, and everything else that related to that matter. I didn't get it. What was so wrong with his life that he wanted to leave? What right did he have to cause so much pain and suffering to the ones he loved? Why didn't  he want to live a normal life? What was running through his mind? Did he ever think that maybe he would die in this trip? Is that what he wanted? What was he running away from? What led him to be so selfish? These were some of the questions that were running through my mind while reading this book. Although I haven't finished the book yet, I feel a sense of understanding. I don't know the answers to these questions still, but I don't necessary feel the need to anymore. I found something more satisfying than the answers to these questions. I found truth. Chris writes in his journal, "... the only certain happiness in life is to live for others.... I have lived through much, and now I think I found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, which the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbor- such is my idea of happiness. And then, on top of all that, you for a mate, and children, perhaps- what more can the heart of a man desire?" He's right. As we come close to the holidays, I'm sure many of us are buying gifts and christmas cards for those who we love, like family. But why is it that we only buy gifts for those who are close to us? I'm sure there are more people in our lives that are deserving of our gifts as well. Taking money out of the equation, why don't we go out and give gifts to everyone, even someone insignificant as our neighbors? Christmas has become something like a trading business to me. I feel like the reason why I buy presents for only those that are really close to me is mainly because I know that they will return my love for them with a gift as well. If I were to buy a gift for someone insignificant, like a peer at school, then there is a higher risk or chance that I wouldn't receive anything in return. But this is because I am so used to looking through a materialistic perspective. Instead of recognizing little things like a smile on that peer's face, I see the emptiness in my hands. That smile or "thank you" is not enough to satisfy my hunger for something in return. I feel like I deserve an equal amount back as I have given. But, Chris found something bigger. He found from his experience in the wild that true happiness comes from the simple and little things. In other words, materials don't last, but relationships do. By giving that peer a gift, I have planted a seed for something bigger and long lasting, love. Love is a strong and powerful feeling, one that even the mighty Chris McCandless did not truly understand until his final days. Love can bring people together. Love can heal the broken. Love can do miracles. Love can keep people going. Love can keep old and build new relationships. Love is simple. Love is complex. Love is anything we want it to be. To Chris and myself, love was the answer. He realized that he had lived his whole life trying to get something in return, whether it was recognition from his dad or attention from his mom. However, he was never satisfied, because he never got back what he thought he deserved. But he realized in his few months of solitude, that he was selfish and needed to stop trying get other's recognition by doing what they like, and to do things that he liked and wanted to do. By doing so, he could find happiness that was not only sufficient for him, but also enough to share with others by doing good works and little things that didn't really mean much to them but a lot to him. By reading this book, I realized that I was just like him. Every year, I buy gifts for people who I have confidence will prepare something for me as well. But now, I'm going to do something different this Christmas. I will do the usual in preparing gifts for my loved ones, but I will also do something, like a random act of kindness, for somebody else. I don't know what I'll do yet, but I'm going to do something that I like to do. A piece of happiness that I can share with someone else. In doing so, I not only put a smile on someone else's face but one on mine as well. I encourage all of you to do the same. Stop living in temporary happiness, but reach for something everlasting. As you finish up on your holiday shopping, I challenge you to think of things that you love that you can share with someone else, someone other than your close family and friends. Share your love this holiday season and find meaning in everything that you do. Happy Holidays everyone! Thanks for reading my stupid little Holiday reflection.

Jenny Kim